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funny status whatsapp, funny status urdu, funny status for girls, funny status discord, funny status generator, Funny quotes, funny status,——> Today’s topic revolves around these titles.
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Today’s topic revolves around these titles
Very funny quotes in English + wonderful smart jokes and funny WhatsApp status: Today’s topic will make you laugh a lot and without prolonging the introduction. I wish you an enjoyable reading.
The English Joker site invites you to visit the site again to enjoy reading and share what you like.
Very funny quotes in English + wonderful smart jokes and funny WhatsApp status: Today’s topic will make you laugh a lot and without prolonging the introduction. I wish you an enjoyable reading.
The English Joker site invites you to visit the site again to enjoy reading and share what you like.
369 Funniest Quotes in english + funny status from the Past 100 Years
1-Life is too short, smile while you still have teeth..
2-80% of boys have girlfriends. Rest 20% of boys are having a brain.
3-Just saw the most smartest person when i was in front of the mirror
4-Dear problems… Please give me some discount… I am your regular customer.
5-I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..
6-Just finished deleting some friends on Facebook, if you can read this then you got lucky.
7-Milk does the body good but DAMN how much did you drink?
8-If people have a problem with u, always remember, it is THEIR problem..
9-I’m the kind of person who bumps into inanimate objects, says, Oops, I’m sorry. And doesn’t stop to ask himself why he’s talking to a wall.
10-Most emotional moment in a boys life, When a girl says, Can you give me your number 😀
11-The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
12-I hate when skinny girls say,”omg I’m so fat”. If you are fat does that make me a whale?
13-Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
14-One of my mom’s rules growing up was never to write on walls, well apparently Facebook doesn’t have that rule.
15-Next time someone presses the elevator button you’ve already pressed, act totally impressed and tell them they did it waaaay better than you..
Funny quotes for everybody
16-Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.
17-Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the INTERNET…
18-Don’t be afraid to make mistakes..
19-Dear math, Im not therapist so solve your own problems.
Suggested topic: (wow rare family status 2023) +310 family quotes
20-If I get jealous then yes I really like you.
21-If at first you don’t succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!
22-I don’t usually sleep enough, but when I do, it’s still not enough 😉
23-A woman is like a tea bag, you cannot tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
24-Only fools fall in love and I guess I’m one of them 🙂
25-I never make the same mistake twice. Three, four times maybe. But never twice.
26-Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?
27-It’s Christmas and 2011 is coming closer to an end! what’s the funniest thing you remember me doing this year??
28-Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it.
29-Behind this smile is everything you’ll never understand.
30-I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice 🙂
31-Excuse me …. Plesae empty your pockets …. I think you stole my heart.
32-TODAY has been cencelled. Go back to BED 🙂
33-You can’t make someone love you. you can only talk them and hope for the best. 😛
34-I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…
35-Taking revenge is wrong… very very wrong… But very very fun…
36-It`s too late to apologize. The damage is done.
37-Read books instead of reading my status!
38-Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
39-If you like me press like. If you hate me, go away. If you love me comment.
40-Today’s Joke! A Girl said …….. TRUST ME 🙂
41-Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing and suggesting.
42-Tired of everyone talking about their feelings on Facebook lol..
Suggested topic: (wow famous status 2023) +120 most famous quotes in english
43-thinks that facebook should change the status question from “what’s on your mind?” to “what’s your problem today?”
44-When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
45-Happiness is when “last seen at” changes to “online” and then to “typing” 😛
46-Growing older is compulsory Growing up, however, remains optional.
47-I think all woman can agree that bigger is better. Nobody wants a small bank account
48-Girls are funny creatures.They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday!!!
49-Can’t talk, telepathy only!
50-Stealing other people’s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
51-It’s not true that I had nothing ON….. The radio was ON. 🙂
52-Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”.
Funny Quotes for Friends for whatsapp
53-My girlfriend asked if I would swim across the ocean for her, and I said It’s freaking, I’ll rent a boat…..
54-If there is no chocolate in heaven…”I AM NOT GOING”.
55-Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?
56-I’m usually charming, nice, and well manured, OK for those who really know me you can laugh now..
57-I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent 🙂
58-Insert coin to view my status message.
59-My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.
60-I’m not arguing, I’m simply tried to explaining why I’m Right.
Suggested topic: (wow father status 2023) +80 father quotes in english
61-You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.
62-I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
63-Young love is two hearts with only one thing in mind.
64-An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit.
65-A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
Funny quotes about marriage + funny quotes in english 2023
66-Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighbouring table n wish you”d ordered that.
67-My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
68-If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
69-You wanna see a perfect relationship? Watch a movie. Lolz
70-I posted on your wall. No, not Facebook, look at the side of your house.
71-Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
72-I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
73-I hate math but I love counting money.
74-I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I only lie to others!
Funny quotes about parenting 2023
75-Dear parents, we know money doesn’t grow on trees, that’s why we are asking you for it.
76-I think I got a fever, a fever of you 🙂
77-I feel like a Indiana Jones, because you are the treasure I am looking for.
78-Hey, I found your Nose, it was in my business again.
Suggested topic: 17 status in english 2023 the pinnacle of creativity
79-Between Facebook texting, tweeting and email, I haven’t spoken a word in the last 3 years.
80-If vegetarians eat only vegetables, what about humanitarians?
81-Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. 🙂
82-I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep 🙂
83-Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.
84-If people could see the face I make when I read their facebook status updates, they would probably unfriend me.
85-Behave, What you do today will be on Facebook tomorrow.
86-Your eye is the only part you can not wash with soap.
87-Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
88-I did in the bed. I did it on the couch. I did it in the car. Texting is such an obsession. 🙂
89-How can i miss something i never had?
90-Etc= End of thinking Capacity.
91-It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing.
92-The awkward moment when you know you shouldn`t laugh, but you do..
93-Laughing is the best medicine but if you are laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
94-Bad decisions make good stories. No wonder people find me so entertaining..
95-You and your rumors have two things in common, you’re both fake and you both get around.
96-If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂
97-It’s just Facebook, I wish people would keep it real and stop frontin.
98-WARNING!! I know karate …..and some other words!!!
99-Someone on his status “Sleeping” …since 3 Days! He’s Probably dead.
100-There are no stupid questions, just stupid people..
100 Funny Quotes Guaranteed to Make You Laugh 2023
1-Laziness is my middle name.
2-Not all men are fools, Some stay bachelor.
3-The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
4-If you want to commit suicide, you should jump down from your ego to your IQ.
5-Is your name Summer.? because you are as hot as hell.
6-For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember thats where the knives are kept. 🙂
7-That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and you end up walking in the same direction.
8-Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.
9-Vote Up Vote Down My Facebook wall is broken.
10-Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.
11-I’m Jealous of My Parents… I’ll Never Have a Kid as Cool as Theirs!!!
12-Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.
13-Math Rule: If it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong.
14-Thinks I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.
15-Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
16-Silence is the best answer of all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately both never help in VIVA and INTERVIEW.
17-Women are like boats: they require constant maintenance and attention, and they cost a lot of money. Men are like buses: another one will eventually come along.
18-One day, I’m gonna make the onions cry..
19-I don’t have issues, I have demonds and they are the ones with issues
20-Do you ever just lie on knees and thank god that you know me and my intelligence???
21-I hate when my mind wont shut up when I’m trying to sleep..
22-I don’t believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who flirt. LOLz
23-I’m not failed…my success is just postponed for some time.
24-Scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal this status.
25-How to make a woman go mmmmmmm all nite long? …………………….. with Duct Tape 🙂
26-Men are like buses. One comes every 15 minutes.
27-I believe in hate at first sight.
28-I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.
29-C.L.A.S.S – Come Late And Start Sleeping
Funny Quotes About Life in english
30-If life give you lemons, squirt your enemy’s eye..
31-Why can’t shampoo and conditioner run out at the same time?
32-If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
33-We all are born to die don’t feel more special than me.
34-If you try and don’t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
35-I never get mad when i see my ex with someone else because i was always taught to recycle my old trash.
36-Im a math teacher. One plus two equals me and you
37-Girls work on their looks but not their minds b’coz they know boys are stupid, not blind.
38-If Facebook is like dating, then Twitter is like a one night stand – it’s fun while you’re doing it, you finish in like 5 minutes, and you feel real cheap afterwards.
39-Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.
40-Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear make up and boys lie.
41-Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
42-If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
43-I bet that in prison everyone’s FB relationship status is set to it’s complicated.
44-Some people should just give up at engineering( or medical) ………i have.
45-Please GOD if you can’t make me slim, make my friends fat.
46-Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
47-Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.
48-I have a date tonight, with my bed. We are totally gonna sleep together.
49-When your GF blocks u on facebook…… Its called an electronic divorce 🙂
50-I come up with the best ideas when sitting on the toilet then forget them after the flush.
51-I wish I could google “things to eat in my fridge” so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed.
52-My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.
53- People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason. 😉
54-Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
55-Teacher: Who can explain gender discrimination with an example? Student: Women can sleep with whoever they want ,men have to sleep with whoever lets them!
56-Why is abbreviation such a long word?
57-All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
58-Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
59-It’s raining, It’s pouring. Facebook is boring. I’m bored to death, I’m going to bed, hopefully we’ll meet in the morning!
60-I have a Date tonight, Woot Woot! (of course its with the couch, pillow and TV Remote, but its still a date. Right?)
61-I have a Date tonight, Woot Woot! (of course its with the couch, pillow and TV Remote, but its still a date. Right?)
62-Who care’s ?????………..I’m awsome!!!
63-How do people write an auto biography? I can barley remember what I had for lunch yesterday 🙂
64-Don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t sell drugs. The government hates competition..
65-We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up …….. after I finish laughing 🙂
66-Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you Guys.
67-Only Marriage is the major cause of divorce.
68-Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. 🙂
69-Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
70-Where there is a will, there are 100 relatives.
Funny Whatsapp Status 2023
71-Dear Facebook, Just wait, one day they will leave you too. Sincerely, ORKUT
72-If you can’t find the key to success, pick the lock.
73- I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.
74-I don`t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
75-Facebook is a crazy house People poke each other all day have an imaginary pet farm and talk to walls
76-I didnt change , i just grew up. You shud try it once 😉
77-Excuse me, if I go straight this way, will I be able to reach your heart?
78-Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money 🙂
79-Congratulations … You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
80-Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.
81-There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men.
82-Its better to fail than to cheat but its better to cheat than to repeat.
83-You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.
84-Okay mom…you know I love you…but I can’t accept your friend request on Facebook.
85-If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either 🙂
86-For every girl without a guy, there`s a guy without a girl.
87-Well, We have a poke button, now we need a punch and pinch and kick button..
88-Do you know the meaning og ABCDEF? A boy can do everything for Girl. Reverse the meaning of, GFEDCBA … Girl forget everything done and Catches new boy Again.
Status on WhatsApp Very Funny
89-Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship.
90-Did anyone ever notice that “STUDYING” is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?
91-Hey,you are reading my status again??
92-I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..
93-Doing nothing is very hard thing to do…you never know when to finish.
94-Laziness is me middle name.
95-Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she dam well pleases!
96-When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
97-Want to learn how to dance? Have a cold shower today at midnight, I bet, You’ll rock like SHAKIRA 🙂
98-Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
99-Boys, if you don’t look like calvin klein models, don’t expect us to look like victoria secrets angels. (From All Bachelor Girls Association) 🙂
100-The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
+99 Funny status Quotes That Will Make You LOL!
1-If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
2-I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.
3-If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
4-Every girl deserves ONE GUY who looks at her every day like it’s the first time he saw her. And Im that ONE GUY 🙂
5-If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.
6-When someone adds me as a friend on Facebook, the first thing I do is go through all their pictures.
7-I’m not single, I’m just romantically challenged.
8-There are only two kinds of people in this world: Doctors and Patients 🙂
9-My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.
10-I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.
11-You have eyes my dear but you cannot see.
12-If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down and kill it.
13-While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
14-I’m the person that the more you complain about me, the harder I’ll try to annoy you.
TOP 15 Funniest Status in english – {Year 2023} Funny Status for WhatsApp
15-For all the girls that say ….. All guys are the same …… Who told you to try them ALL.
16-It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
17-When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re awesome you’re me..
18-The real reason women live longer than men b’coz they don’t have to live with women.
19-Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
20-Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.
21-A black cat passing by the crossroad can stop hundreds of people what a RED LIGHT on traffic signal has failed to do for long time!!
22-Full form of study – S-T-U-D-Y = [S]inging, [T]weeting, [U]nlimited Texting, [D]reaming, [Y]awning.
23-Friday is my second favorite F word.
24-I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
25-One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions 🙂
26-There are alot of fish in the sea, but I think there’s a hole in my net 🙂
27-The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem.
28-Never Say Neverrr, you just said it twice ?
29-Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
11 Funny Short Status for Selfies
30-I wish i have a friend like me 😀
31-I need 6months vacation, twice a year..
32-If bar tenders aren’t allowed to sell alcohol to drunk people, then McDonald’s shouldn’t be allowed to sell food to fat people.
33-Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture 🙂
34-Brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
35-The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
36-I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
37-One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
38-I had my DNA analyzed. It came back with four main components. Bacon, Chocolate, Coffee and Crazy.
39-When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
40-Before talking, Please connect the tongue to the brain…
41-life is short…smile while you still have teeth.
Funny Lazy Quotes and Statuses
42-Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
43-Do You Want To Go Out With Me? (A) Yes (B) A (C) B.
44-My name is I. My problem is love. My solution is you.
45-Just saw the most smartest person when i was in front of the mirror 😛
46-I don’t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle.
47-Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
48-Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
49-I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat 🙂
50-Dear smartphones, why can`t you charge yourself? Sincerely, you`re not so smart after all.
51-Quit your job, buy a ticket, get a train, fall in love and never return.
52-It is a sad fact that 20% of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the remaining end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones.
53-Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks. What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
54-Whatever you do always give 100% ….. Unless you are donating blood 🙂
55-I never let my best friend do stupid things … alone.
56-Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?
50+ Funny Status Lines For Whatsapp in english
57-You can disturb me….I’m available. 😀
58-My friend has just updated his status saying. Is balancing on the edge of a cliff.. So i poked him.
59-I love buying new things but I hate spending money.
60-Hey, you have eyes, I have eyes, we have a lot in common!
61-I am going to start cleaning my house. And by cleaning, i mean drinking beer and spraying everything with febreze.
62-It’s been 70+ years, Tom. You’re never going to eat Jerry 🙂
63-Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
64-The Earth without Art is just Eh.
65-Dear Ceiling Fan, If you could hold my weight, i would never be bored again. Sincerely, Bored.
66-Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook talking never updates anything.
67-The question I have not been able to answer is “What… does a woman want?”
68-I don’t get it, all my life I was told NOT to write on walls.
69-Harush says if you want to be together you have TO-GET-HER.
70-I’m not stalker. I am an unpaid private investigator.
71-You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.
72-I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday 🙂
73-You have lot of curves and I have no brakes 😉
74-The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
75-If Facebook is the Upper West Side and MySpace is the Bronx, then Tagged is a trailer park in New Jersey.
76-When nothing seems right….go left!!
10 Short Funny Quotes in english 2023
77-Facebook, because time isn’t going to kill itself.
78-Hi, Im Mr Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
79-I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
80-The definition of a beautiful girl is one who loves me 🙂
81-I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday 🙂
82-It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world each day fit exactly the length of newspaper!!
83-The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exam or are in love.
84-God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China 🙂
85-Even if you live your life as a open book, people will still wonder which pages have secret messages.
86-Don’t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain’t. 🙂
87-I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate … but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
88-I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”
89-I’m not sure how much longer I can hide the fact that I’m a robot.
90-If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.
91-Instead of single as a marital status, it should read independently, owned and operated 🙂
92-A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, i am afraid of widths.
93-I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe.
94-Good friends will bail you out of jail. Best friends will be sitting in the cell with you, laughing about how awesome that just was.
95-Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones to make.
96- There’s always a person that you hate for no reason.
97-I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.
98-The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is “Salary is Credited” 🙂
99-Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.
100-BRB = I don’t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don’t care.
100 Funny Inspirational Quotes Celebrating Life, Love & Struggles
1-Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
2-When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
3-Do you know why a previous relationship is called EX? It`s not the term for the past. EX is short for EXpired..
4-Finally found out that the plant I’ve been watering isn’t real…
5-Awesome ends with ME and Ugly starts with you.
6-I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
7-I love it when someone’s laugh is funnier than the joke.
8-The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.
9-If you fall. I’ll be there.
10-That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
Funny Facebook Statuses
11-The only difference between me and a madman is that I’m not mad.
12-Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…
13-In bed, it’s 6AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 7:45. At school it’s 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 1:31
14-I speak two languages, Body and English.
15-Facebook is the second most popular word that starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘K’ 🙂
16-Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
17-If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..
18-Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. 🙂
19-Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.
20-A man asks a trainer in the gym: I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use? Trainer replies: Use the ATM
21-I am not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time . . . . . . . . . lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, any time, all the time. 🙂
22-You don’t have to like me, I’m not a Facebook status.
23-Nothing is illegal until you get caught 🙂
24-Admit it, you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.
25-If I’m wired with you. I like you.
12 Funny & Clever and Cute Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter
26-Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking.
27-Love thy neighbor. But don’t get caught.
28-Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It’s not fair that some men should be happier than others.
29-I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
30-Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible.
31-Don’t drink and park – accidents cause people.
32-I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something 🙂
33-you`re sorry ? that`s cool. go write a book about it and let someone who actually cares read it.
34-Every problem comes with a solution. If it doesn’t have any solution, it’s a…………. Girl 🙂
35-Ah, Facebook, where it is socially acceptable to talk to a wall…
36-If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must break your mirror 😀
37-Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
38-Men are like BLUETOOTH connection, when UR beside them they stay connected but when you are away they search for new devices.
+30 Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh
39-The only thing I gained so far in 2013 is weight 🙂
40-I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…
41-People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
42-I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi 🙂
43-Newton’s law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.
44-I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won 🙂
45-A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
46-When you really want to slap someone, do it and say “mosquito.”
47-Do you know what’d look good on you? Me 🙂
48-Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.
49-Sometimes the only one who can appreciate you, is you.
50-I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them 🙂
51-Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
52-I am a star, so when you see me, make a wish.
53-I haven’t slept for ten days, bcoz that would be too long.
54-Stop waiting for one Day. Today is the Day- Bang-Bang
55-Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.
56-We are the WTF generation: Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.
57-Remember, when she cancels a date she has to But when he cancels a date he has TWO.
58-When it’s you against me, you either win or you die!!!
59-When I Show you a picture on my phone..don’t swipe left.don’t swipe right.Just look.
60-Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out of it alive.
61-Definition of human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper and write “SAVE TREES” on the same paper.
62-If swimming is an exerciser explain whales to me.
63-Life is hard normally, but its harder if you are Stupid.
64-Bitch also stands for beautiful, intelligent, talented and charming human being.
65-Hmmmm…..Don’t copy my status
66-Love your girl like you love your Coffee… Enjoy it before its hotness goes.
67-Question of the Day: When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren’t you a waiter?
68-That awkward moment when you keep talking and you don`t realize your friend walked away.
69-The best way to look younger, hang out with older people.
Funny WhatsApp status for boys
70-I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice 🙂
71-Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters..
72-Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don’t know.
73-Why do you talk so fast?” “Why do you listen so slow?”
74-My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
75-My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.
76-Kiss me and you will see how important I am.
77-I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, If I die next Tuesday.
78-We are WTF generation …. WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook 😀
79-The 3 fastest means of communication: telephone, television and tell a woman.
80-If you stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.
81-I want you to have a candle-lit dinner and say those magical three words to you ………… “Pay The bill”
82-God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me 😛
83-Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
84-The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
85-Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make a bad person.
86-Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL
87-God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
88-The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
89-The hardest job facing kids today is to learn good manners without seeing any.
90-I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy and Paste 🙂
91-I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and i’m still at school.
92-You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
93-When I drink alcohol… Everyone says I’m alcoholic. But… When I drink Fanta.. No one says I’m fantastic!!!
94-You can not get lost on a straight road.
95-People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.
96-Money doesn`t bring happiness, but shopping does..
97-My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. Lolz
98-Facebook is the adult way of having imaginary friends.
99-They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who’s in a hurry?
100-You dont realise how many clothes you have, until you wash them.
69 Ideas for a Funny WhatsApp Status – Short funny status in english and Unique funny status for whatsapp
1-I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent.
2-Thinks if Peter Piper picked peppers and Jack and Jill ran up the hill and Mary took her lamb to school, wasn’t Humpty Dumpty lazy just sitting on a wall?
3-If money grew on trees – girls wouldn’t mind dating monkeys.
4-GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
5-Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.
6-I am sure I have a defective iphone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.
7-We love Facebook but we hate the face of book.
8-Women only need 3.5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure, it’s called a credit card.
9-Caution, Blind Man Driving.
10-The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
11-Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken, and the only ones left are handicapped.
12-Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Funny WhatsApp Status 2023
13-Sorry, I can’t hangout. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time..
14-I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing..
15-Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
16-FACT: Kissing burns 5.4 calories a minute…… Ummm, wanna work out?
17-When a girl says she’ll be ready in 5 more minutes, it’s the same as when a guy says the game has 5 minutes left. 😀
18-I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
19-If couples who are in love are called LOVE BIRDS, then couples who always argue should be called ANGRY BIRDS
20-Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me. 🙂
21-Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots..
22-In victory, you deserve Champagne. In defeat you need it.
23-Why do U think I SMS You? Is it because I care? Or I miss You? Or I love You? Or I need You? No ! It’s because I need a person for just time pass. 🙂
24-How to sleep faster: Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom.
25-My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.
26-There’s like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world … huh
27-I promised my friends that I wouldn’t date bad girls anymore.
28-If you are player then I’m the GAME.
Funny WhatsApp status ideas in english
29-If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
30-Why does paper beat rock? if you hold a paper in front of your face and i throw a rock at it who wins?
31-If you can’t convince them, Confuse them.
32-Some people call me Mike, You can call me tonight.
33-I wonder if I’ve met the person I’m going to marry.
34-Viagra is now available in powder form to put in your tea. It does not enhance your performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft. Lolz
35-just found out that if you hold Ctrl and w for 10 seconds it turns your Facebook page from Blue to Red
36-People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason. 😉
37-Dear Food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat 🙂
38-It used to be, “Can I have your number”? Now it’s, Do you have Facebook..
39-I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day. 🙂
40-I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. 🙂
41-Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other..
42-I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.
43-Do you have the time? ………………… O No, the time to write down my number? 🙂
44-All work and no play, will make you a manager.
45-Perfect boyfriend : Does not drink, does not smoke, does not cheat and also Does not exist 😛
best Short Status for WhatsApp
46-A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
47-When we are bored we get on Facebook, then we get bored on Facebook so we get off then 15 min later back on. its an endless cycle..
48-I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
49-If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
50-Insult and wife are somewhat similar….They always look good…If it is not yours!!!!
51-At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
52-That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
53-Beauty isn’t measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside ..So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!
54-You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
55-Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone’s mouth while they are talking?
56-I`m not single. I`m in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom.
57-Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
10 Funny WhatsApp status lines
58-If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
59-If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
60-Dear Google: They are only using you to get to me. Sincerely Wikipedia
61-Excuse me is your last name Gillette? …because you are the best a man can get!
62-Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.
63-Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.
64-When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
65-I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. 🙂
66-Death is God’s way of saying you are fired. Suicide is humans way of saying, I quit.
67-Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
68-The only reason god made cousins so that parents can compare our marks.
69-I’ll be a billionaire once I’m done inventing this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.
